Our small group is actually working thru a study right now by Gary Thomas called Sacred Marriage. AWESOME study, regardless of where you are in your marriage.
So when I received the following email today it brought to mind one of the questions it addressed -
Are you spending more time asking God how you can love your spouse like he or she has never been or ever will be loved, or are you endlessly repeating your spouse’s failures and presenting God with a laundry list of things you want him to change?
I mean, wow.
It is so easy to continually heap a mountain of expectations onto the shoulders of those we love the most. We just fail to realize that most of the time they are oblivious of the expectations AND the mountain. (Enter - accumulated) That is, until they both come crashing down. (Enter - impact)
The pizza guy held a delivery bag too small for the requested four large ones we had ordered. I opened the door and smiled, “Four large pizzas, right?”
The look on his face told me the many teens in our back yard were about to be really disappointed. He said, “Ummm, well, actually there’s only two. Let me check your ticket … oh, yeah you’re supposed to have four. Give me 20 minutes and I’ll be back with the other two.”
I took the two he had and said, “Oh no problem. The kids can start on these and then have round two when you get back.”
As I walked into the kitchen my husband gave me a funny look, “I thought you ordered four pizzas.”
“Yeah, the delivery guy forgot two of them but will be back in a few minutes. No big deal,” I quipped with a shrug of the shoulder.
My husband tilted his head, “You didn’t even ask for a discount or coupons or anything?”
“Oh honey, I felt bad for the guy. It’s not a big deal for the kids to wait for a few minutes,” I answered with a smile.
Remembering how I had reacted during a little “growth opportunity” we’d had earlier, my husband said, “Wow. I’d like to receive that kind of grace.”
Ouch. His point was well made. I had gotten so aggravated with something he had done and was sure to let him know it. Why is it that I’m so quick to give a gentle answer to a complete stranger - but spew on those whom I love the most?
I think it’s because of accumulated impact.
This was the only time I’d ever seen the pizza guy. Therefore, my emotions toward him were completely neutral. So when he made a mistake, I was able to just simply let it go.
But I have a history with my husband. We do lots of life together. If I let little aggravations collect, my emotions ratchet up creating more and more tension. Then when something happens, I find it much harder to brush it off.
Accumulated Aggravations = Accumulated Impact
Therefore, it’s crucial that I don’t collect aggravations. I’ve heard the verse many times: “Do not let the sun go down on your anger…” (Ephesians 4:26). I know that. But honestly there are times I ignore it. I go to bed mad anyhow. I collect the aggravations because I’m too tired to talk. Or, I don’t want to deal with it. Or, I try to convince myself it’s not a big deal to go to bed mad - just this once.
But when I keep reading one more verse, Ephesians 4:27, I understand why I should deal with little aggravations when they are still little. They might not stay little long. Why? Because verse 27 finishes with a strong warning, “and do not give the devil an opportunity.”
Yikes.
The devil is just waiting for me to give him an opportunity. I picture him looking at me getting mad over the stupidest little things and hissing “Go to bed mad…go to bed mad…oh yes, go to bed mad and just give me an itty-bitty opportunity.” That sends shivers down my spine. As it well should.
I love my man. It's true I get aggravated with my man. But still, I love him. So, I certainly don’t want to open the door of opportunity for the devil to turn small aggravations into big ones.
What I did do was put the pizzas down and kiss my man’s cheek. “Honey, I love you more than anything and I’m sorry I didn’t give you that kind of grace.”
To which he replied with an ear to ear grin, “I still think we should have asked for a discount or coupons.”
Like I said, I love that man!
Think about it.
Accumulate = to gather into a heap, mass, cover, etc.
Impact = to collide with; strike forcefully
Grace = mercy; clemency; pardon
Spouse = a person's partner in marriage
Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2
Until later :)
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