T*E*N*S*I*O*N

Tension is real folks. My shoulders have been permanently knotted now for weeks and weeks. And trust me, it has taken little to heap knots on top of those knots here lately.

This past week has been a nightmare. Just when I felt like were about to get a grip on all the little details, the bottom fell out. Or seemed to anyway. Rain, rain and more rain. Storm after storm. Those of you living in Middle Tennessee, particularly Clarksville, know exactly what I'm talking about.

The real stresser began when the rain didn't. The chosen reception site is on the Cumberland River. One of the reasons we chose it was because of the location. Even though we booked in the dead of winter, we could immediately envision the beauty it would be surrounded with in the height of Spring. And it will be gorgeous. But I have to admit that with all the recent rains and the constant reminders of the horrible floods a year ago, I was panicking. Actually to the point of frantically searching for a back-up location.

But even as we were searching, I knew we could not find a place that would compare. So many plans have already been made for that location. And even though the day is not here yet, we all see the place filled to the brim with friends and newlywed happiness.

I never doubt God. But I am horrible about losing sight of his plans and sweating the small stuff. And with something as important and special as the wedding of Miss Priss and her man, it's been even worse. So I believe God means for me to take something away from this past week of wildly unstable weather. I think He's showing me that these tension knots were formed by nothing - compared to what could have been. He is in control and the sun is out . . .

So I left work a little early today, got a massage and have decided to trust in Him for the weather, the things still to be done and to do everything I can to relax and truly enjoy the next 15 days. Because with this one - there are no do-overs :)

eeeeek!

According to the online 'urban' dictionary - eeeeek! - is actually a word. Yep.

Definition: A word people use to show that they are surprised and scared at the same time.

Silly, I know. But for some reason I find that tidbit of knowledge (?) particularly comforting right now. Because every time I allow myself to slip into what I've nicknamed 'Panic Land' that's the word that immediately comes to mind. Plus . . . the definition helps me to justify the eeeeek! reaction every time I visit :)

I realize today is ONLY April 5th and the BIG DAY is still 39 days away, but I woke up this morning with the thought that I had really been lying to myself.

See, at first I was just completely and flat out worried. I mean about everything. And at the forefront of every ounce of that worry was this huge concern that the wedding we could actually afford would not be anywhere near to the wedding that our Miss Priss deserves.

It didn't taken God long to show me again how silly I can be. He has never failed to provide for me - or my family - ever. And this season in our lives is not about to be any different. He has blessed us with unforseen short cuts, online deals, a daughter who could be a wedding planner (tomorrow) and help through friends that have literally come out of nowhere. He’s known what we needed, when we’ve needed and has provided abundantly.

But if I’m to be honest I have to admit that I still felt myself struggling with the whole ‘anxious’ part. It’s really been working on me. That's the little booger that has kept me revisiting ‘Panic Land.’

I woke this morning, after yet another restless night, to find myself really doing some soul searching over the way my mind has been reeling. I mean, I knew that I know that I know that God will show up - because He never leaves. So I couldn't understand why that eeeeek! always seems to linger just right below the surface? I realized how closely the whole feeling compared to the way I felt as a kid at Christmas. I was so excited because Christmas was coming and I loved the whole experience. The excitement. The smells. And even the time I spent writing my list - over and over to Santa. I realized that even way back then I had a tendency to be like . . . eeeeek!!!!

So (and with no intentions of psycho-babble at all) I realized it’s not worry or anxiety at all. And certainly not a result of any doubts that God’s provisions aren’t enough. What it is - is just sheer old fashioned excitement!

That’s when my mind was filled with two definitive thoughts.

* One of when I watch our baby with the man she will soon marry.

* The other . . . of another time almost thirty years ago.

I was immediately comforted by the knowledge that when all is said and done - the 'stuff' is really not going to matter at all - and that I know Miss Priss well enough to know this to be true.

So . . . if you see me in the next THIRTY-NINE days - rest assured that the scatter-brained, unorganized, dazed and disheveled woman you see is actually so truly excited that she can hardly stand it!! :}

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" Matthew 6:27

“Joyful indeed are those whose God is the Lord.” Psalm 144:15b

“Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13