It's friendship, friendship, just a perfect blendship...

It was busy around the Nest this past weekend. Not very empty at all. :)

The kids were home. Which meant someone was constantly in or out. I relished in the fact, more than once, that that they actually choose to hang out at our house. I hope that never changes.

Of course, with our kids - come kids. At times - many, many kids. (Well - adults. :) This meant there was also a lot of eating, a lot of patio time, a lot of joking and a whole lot of 'remember when??' stories going on.

So when I received a devotional on friendship today it reminded me of what awesome and accepting friends my kids have always been. Sure, there were a few budding friendships that were not the best 'fit' over the years . . but for the most part, once they met you, you were friends. Pretty much like those two hanging out above. :)

But now meet Bobby:

Bobby was a shy, quiet little boy. One day he came home and told his mother he'd like to make a valentine for everyone in his class. Her heart sank. "I wish he wouldn't do that!" she thought. She had watched the children when they walked home from school. Her Bobby was always behind them. They laughed and hung on to each other and talked to each other, but Bobby was never included. Still, she decided to go along with her son’s plan. She purchased the paper, glue and crayons, and for three whole weeks, night after night, Bobby painstakingly made thirty-five valentines. Valentine's Day dawned, and Bobby was frantic with excitement! He carefully placed the valentines in a bag, and bolted out the door.

His mom decided to bake his favorite cookies because she knew he would be disappointed when he came home from school. It hurt her to think he wouldn't get many valentines -- maybe none at all. That afternoon she had the cookies and milk on the table. Finally, when she heard their voices, she looked out the window to see the children laughing and having the best time. As usual, there was Bobby in the rear but walking a little faster than usual.

She fully expected him to burst into tears as soon as he got inside. His arms were empty and when the door opened, she choked back tears as she said, "Honey, I have some warm cookies and milk for you” but he hardly heard her words. He just marched right on by, his face glowing, and all he could say was: "Not a one -- not a one." The mother’s heart sank. Then he added, "I didn't forget a one, not a single one!"

When God is in control of our friendships and when we trust Him with those friendships, we will be a better friend, and we will have more true friends.

"And so I am giving a new commandment to you now--love each other just as much as I love you. Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples." John 13:34-35

Does the world know we are His disciples by the way we love and relate to each other?    

"A friend is one who strengthens you with prayers, blesses you with love and encourages you with hope." ~ Anonymous

Do you know a Bobby? There's a saying that goes 'in order to have a true friend, you have to be a true friend'. I realize I'm partial, but I'd say my kids passed the test on this one - with flying colors.

'You've got a friend in me . . . '

Until later :)

What about your 'mean girl'?

Yeah, I know. Haven't blogged in a while and between you and I, for the life of me I can't figure out what keeps this empty nester so busy. How in the world did I get it all done when I had little ones underfoot?? That's one excuse. The other is that even when I find myself considering a post I wonder if I have anything worth sharing.

Just some randoms today:

I am in the most amazing small group. A group of couples living life and striving to strengthen the marriages that God has blessed us with. I love couples who are real, honest and not afraid to share their thoughts and opinions. Great, great, great group!

Next, my son is home for the weekend!! YAY ME! The excuse is that our only granddaughter is graduating from high school on Saturday. Wow! That makes it so real . . . But if truth be known, I think he was a tad-bit homesick ;) At least this momma chooses to think that.

Update on the Nest. I think the Mister and I were both a little worried that the silence of the empty nest would eventually get to us. The silence of the kids being gone took some getting used to. Then came the loss of Simba and the added silence after those little paws stopped click-clacking across the hardwood. So yeah, it's gotten extra quiet around the Nest over the past several months. But you know what? I'd have to say we're adapting :) Actually, we've spent the past couple of weeks having serious discussions about dropping our cable service. I know, right?? That would scare most couples to death. We've decided we like our time together and I think we're almost there . . .

That's my personal quota for today, so I'll finish the post with sharing another devotional. Sort of cuts to the chase about the mean girl issue. And FYI - it doesn't stop at high school. But you knew that didn't you?

When I Want To Be Mean Too

I looked at the text message in complete disbelief. Why couldn’t this person see how hurtful they were being? How could they be so insensitive?

I don’t know who made up the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” Either they had nerves of steel or they lived on a deserted island with no other people. Because heavens, not only do words hurt me but they make me want to fight back and be mean too.

Have you ever had a little situation with someone where you really felt you were right and they were wrong? Or at least you could make a really good case for your side of things?

Oh how I have this burning need to state my case in these kinds of situations. It’s like an inner attorney just rises up, desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way. This is pretty normal, right?

Yes. But normal doesn’t always mean good. Especially when it goes against a few truths in the Bible -a few inconvenient truths when I’m wanting to be mean too…

*Colossians 2: 6-7 reminds me, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

This is an inconvenient truth: I should live rooted in Jesus’ teaching and overflowing with thankfulness. The opposite of this is for me to be rooted in self-centered opinion and overflowing with grumbling.

There is another side to this issue besides my own. I need to ask God to show me things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught. And I need to be strengthened and taught.

*Colossians 3: 12-14 reminds me, “…as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

This is an inconvenient truth: My job isn’t to fix this person or make them see my side of things. My job is to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given.

I am dearly loved by God and deeply forgiven for things way worse than this person is doing right now. So, yes I need to forgive. But forgiveness does not equal instant restoration. I can stay healthy in this situation by remembering forgiveness doesn’t mean giving this person the kind of access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns. I need to be loving but I also need to be wise.

*Colossians 3:17 reminds me, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

This is an inconvenient truth: Everything I do and say tells a story of who I am serving. If I am acting out of anger and spite, I am serving the father of darkness and spreading his darkness. If I am honoring to the Lord with my actions, I am serving to further the name of Jesus and spreading His light.

At the end of the day, honoring God leads to good things. Anything else leads to confusion, emotional exhaustion and a lack of good things.

When I was processing this situation with my husband he said something that brought much clarity to my mind. “Lysa, you know when you’ve taken the high road, God blesses you. You’ve seen these blessings over and over as you make choices that honor God. So choose a blessing today and save yourself the emotional turmoil of trying to prove you’re right.”

He’s a smart man.

So, today I’m choosing a blessing like Deuteronomy 28:1-5 teaches, “And if you faithfully obey the voice of the Lord your God, being careful to do all his commandments that I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, if you obey the voice of the Lord your God. Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Blessed shall be your basket and your kneading bowl.”

I know this isn’t easy stuff. I’m having to live it today in the midst of feeling a little hurt. But I’m also feeling a little more at peace being able to see another perspective-a healthier perspective-a Biblical perspective. And I’m really excited about the blessings that are surely coming. After all, I desperately I need my kneading bowl blessed y’all.

Wishing you and yours a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend!

Until later :)

WARNING: May Require Steel Toe Shoes



Ouch, ouch and triple ouch!! Hopefully your toes won't take the stomping mine did. Sorry ladies, I had to share this one...

Knowing When to Back Off So Your Husband Can Lead

If you're like me, it's easy to grab the reins in the marriage and be the one in charge.

But if your marriage is like most, that  initiative might be seen as an act of war. Or maybe it's even seen by you as something you resent.

Most wives will say they want their husbands to be the leaders in their homes, but often they don't know when to back off and actually let them lead.

Our desire, as women, to lead in our homes is natural. We love our husbands and children and we want the best for them. But we can forget that is truly the desire of our husbands, as well. Fathers care just as much for their children as mothers do. And we can forget that our "dark side" is showing when we, in the depths of our hearts, believe we can lead and administrate better than they can.

Chances are your husband is just as capable as you in dealing with a situation, but he doesn't verbally express it as well as you do. Or his thinking process is different than yours, because of his personality, upbringing, or the way he generally processes through matters. That’s when you and I need to know when to lighten up or back off, altogether. 

Our admonition to let our husbands lead is laid out in the New Testament as a spiritual responsibility to the Lord, as well as to our husbands:

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church. ... Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:21-24).

God's exhortation to wives in that verse is showing us that following our husband’s lead and submitting to (or obeying) him when it comes down to who has the last say is a spiritual issue. Our spiritual issue, not our husbands'. In other words, we are not told “submit to your husbands if they are acting like Christ.” We are told to follow their lead, as we would follow Christ’s. Even if your husband is not leading you as Christ would (and I know we can play that card, at times), we are still to yield to their lead as we would surrender our will and follow the lead and authority of Christ.

Just like men, we as women were created in the image of God. That means we, too, are naturally able to rule, oversee, manage, and administrate. We need those traits in order to parent our children, right? And in order to coordinate our family’s calendar, head up the project at work, or lead that ministry at church. Many wives are more than capable of leading. We just need to know where and when to back off and let our husbands shine.

I know that as you read this, some of you might be feeling very frustrated. Maybe even a little bit hurt. You are leading by default. You are leading because your husband won’t lead. Or you are leading because you feel your husband doesn’t know how to lead. This is where I want you to prayerfully consider this next thought: Your husband may be fearful of leading, of making the wrong decision, of not cutting it when it comes to your –or his family’s – expectations. If that is the case, that is where he needs your partnership, your prayer and your praise.

Partner with him. You can partner with your husband, first of all, by understanding the pressure he is under as the appointed spiritual head of his home. As mothers, we often take on much of the burden for how our children are developing spiritually, but wouldn’t it be intimidating if our God-given role was to be the spiritual head of the household? I will admit that I am a lousy role model in my own home, at times – to both my husband and our daughter. And although I serve a gracious and forgiving God, I am still accountable to God for my actions. I must still confess the times I blow it and admit to God that I so need Him to control my every thought, word and action. Yet, if I had to live with the pressure that God was going to hold me accountable for the bottom line spiritual health of my entire family, I wonder if I’d buckle under the pressure. I would probably constantly feel I was blowing it.

Do you think your husband might sometimes feel that way?

Men hate to feel that they have let someone down or disappointed someone who was counting on them. If he is blowing it in your eyes, believe me, he probably already knows that and therefore feels even worse about himself. In his eyes, he’s disappointed you, his family and God, whether he has a relationship with God or not.

Men naturally want to do things they excel at. If they’re not good at being a leader, in your eyes, they may shrink from the task, altogether.

My husband is a pastor. But in his home he still feels inadequate at times because he is human, because his wife might give him a look that says What were you thinking? and because “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).

My husband already bears the weight of the spiritual condition of his congregation on his shoulders. How much more the weight of his own family? And how much more an added weight if I remind, chide, criticize, or instruct him about what he should be doing to be the spiritual leader in our home. Your husband might be a supervisor, manager, department head, VP or even a CEO and his decisions directly affect the well-being of his  employees and company. If that’s the case, your husband already bears the weight of responsibility to lead others – he needs to know you believe in his ability to lead you and your family, too.  Partner with him by believing in him as a leader.

Pray for him as you release him of your expectations. You may have a husband who is leading, just not in the way you have envisioned that he would lead. To lead in his home doesn't mean he has to lead family devotions every night. He may be leading  in how he disciplines himself and others, what he discusses with his children when you're not around, what he decides at work that benefits his family. Give your husband a break when it comes to meeting your expectations of a leader. And give him a break when it comes to being the spiritual head of the household. I’m not saying dismiss him from that responsibility (only God can do that). I’m saying lighten up. (And I say that with a smile.) Provide input graciously. Then pray for him continually.

Your husband wants to know you are in his corner. If you can’t say “I’m on board with you” and really mean it, then pray for a submissive spirit to be able to say “Because you’re my husband, I will honor your decision.” And then keep praying for him – and his decision – every step of the way.

Praise him – continually. The man in him will want to continue doing what he feels he is doing well. Yes, there may be times he doesn’t lead effectively. But find something you can praise. His initiative. His courage in taking a step. His desire to do what was best. As he steps out and leads, he needs to know you are supporting him and the two of you are a team. 

Until later ...